Have you ever felt that if you were not on the earth that no one would miss you? Have you ever lost your ambitions, your drive, your sense of belonging? Had no real direction in life or more importantly no purpose?
My wife asked for a divorce and my appendix burst… and this all happened within 24 hours. As you can imagine this was exactly how I felt – my cozy little world was tipped upside down in a flash, I was now fighting for both my health and my material assets.
I would like to share some of the things with you that I did, that helped me overcome my loneliness and regain my strength, direction and my purpose in life.
TIP: I often tell people they need to do the grind, the grind is where you do the motions even though your heart is not really in it. You just do what you gotta do, day in and day out.
Let me explain a few of the things that I did
I started going to the local pub. It was great – there were a few people that didn’t really seem to be going anywhere except going back to the same pub the following night and doing the same things again and again.
I started a website called “Separation“. The goal was helping like-minded people and exchanging stories and ideas.
Joined the local Fire Brigade. Really good guys who want to make a difference and I was giving back to the community.
Leased a brand-new HSV Holden.
Booked myself a trip to Vietnam and took eight days out just for me.
Moved to a new town (Picton) and lived there for five months until I moved back to my hometown Christchurch.
Got myself a pet dog (Apple iDog)
Started a mountain biking and dog walking group and posted it as an event on Findsomeone – got sick of coffee dates going nowhere so decided to associate myself with like-minded people.
Joined Rotary. Even though the average age of my Rotary Club is 71 it’s nice being the young guy in the club and helping out in a different way than just giving time.
Invited the same people around for potluck dinners and started organising tramping events.
Ran a half Marathon!
Started doing some business networking and I even finished up purchasing a business networking company (Elite6).
Sold my house and went flatting with one my best mates.
Started my own Meetup.com Group and now I actively manage three of them.
Joint National Speakers
Not everyone has the same money as I did after the separation, so don’t book the overseas holiday or purchase the new car just yet!
TIP: Only associate yourself with like-minded people. I have zero tolerance for negative people, there are some really nice people in the world and a lot of them are on dating site’s like Findsomeone and yes even Tinder ALWAYS meet people in groups NEVER one on one. Meetup as one of the best sites ever for doing this.
Don’t be in a hurry to get your life back to what you think is normal, life isn’t like it was 20 years ago for me. I do have a lovely lady in my life who has two wonderful children but we do live separate lives and we both value giving each other the space we need to be ourselves. Don’t have people in your life who restrict who you want to be – the people that truly care about you or support you and back you.
So put your feelings and the pain in your heart to one side and start doing the grind. Join some local groups start helping others and believe it or not, one-day you will be so glad that the events that made your heart feel like it was being scraped raw by a wooden spoon actually did happen!